Desperate Prayers

(Originally written October 22, 2021)

I once read a blog from a missionary in Papua New Guinea. His team was working along side locals in a very remote village accessible only via a long trek. Along the way one of the local pastors turned to the missionary and said something along the lines of "Even if you child dies here, you cannot go home. You must stay."

The missionary writes about his indignation to that statement. In fact, the blog post was mostly about the missionary wrestling with his emotions. (Spoiler Alert) He later comes to a profound conclusion; a deep and sickening understanding of the plight of the people he was serving.

In essence he learned that even when missionaries enter the mission field, many have a "Plan B" just in case something goes wrong. Even as a missionary a meager supporter base can provide enough for health care, plane tickets, and a phone plan. The sad reality however, is that those Papua New Guineans that this missionary was serving don't have these luxuries. They don't have the ability to phone up a wealthy friend and ask for a donation. They can't get on a plane and move to a place where healthcare is superior. In fact, many in the developing world do not have these options. They are left with their local knowledge, limited resources, and if they believe in a God, or the spirits, that is who they call upon.

"It highlighted my deficit in relating to God intimately; As I petitioned Him in prayer, it was in a new way, and quite honestly, I felt like a stranger in His courts."

I've been thinking about that post lately. This past weekend my son, Ellis, had a fever of 104. It would go down one hour, then spike back up, and it did this for days on end. Since we only recently arrived to Hawaii, it dawned on us that we had no medicine, we have no car, we have no history in the local medical system, we don't have a pediatric nurse, or a doctor who can give advice freely on the phone - we were left, to some degree, only to our prayers.

While this doesn't compare to the isolation of those villagers in Papua New Guinea, it was amongst the first time that I had only my prayers, and let me tell you, it stirred up a new desperation inside of me. It made me feel very vulnerable and completely helpless. It highlighted my deficit in relating to God intimately. As I petitioned Him in prayer, it was in a new way, and quite honestly, I felt like a stranger in His courts.

I don't want a desperate situation to be cause of deeper intimacy. I want to choose it. I am glad that I was spurred by desperation, but the reality is that I've had this access to His throne room from the moment I first believed. In fact, we all have this access. Brother Lawrence, a 17th Century French Monk put it this way:

"...whether He lead us by suffering or by consolation, for all would be equal to a soul truly resigned. That there needed fidelity in those drynesses or insensibilities and irksomenesses in prayer by which God tries our love to Him; that then was the time for us to make good and effectual acts of resignation, whereof one alone would oftentimes very much promote our spiritual advancement"

I share this to encourage you. If our lives are truly surrendered to God, then it doesn't matter if its adversity or choice that brings you to a place of intimacy with the Lord, it's all good. But how much better it is when we choose it daily rather than to be thrusted into it when calamity comes.