Parenting and Sanctification
I’m convinced that the longer I’m a parent the weaker I become.
One would think that over time as we would become better at things like parenting. But for me, this is not always the case. The more I grow in parenting, the more aware I become of my own issues and need for a Savior. Daily I come face-to-face with my faults, false beliefs, shortcomings, and hang-ups. I am constantly challenged by situations that require more patience, more grace, more love than I’ll ever be able to give. I am grieved by my sin, the times I lose my cool, raise my voice, speak a harsh word, or miss the mark.
Recently I’ve been pausing more and more during difficult moments to pray. I say, “Holy Spirit, help.” My prayer is simple and desperate. I constantly feel like a mess. My confidence in my abilities as a parent is waning. But my confidence in the Lord as my helper is growing exponentially. More of Him, less of me.
When I get to the end of the day, I think about how things went - the ups and downs. In past I’ve ruminated, felt bad, entertained condemning thoughts about myself and anguished for the moment I fall asleep so I can forget it all for the moment. But something is changing. I’m noticing a shift as I let go of my parental pride. The humility God is giving me isn’t bitter like I imagined it to be. It’s sweet and kind. Last night as I prepared to lay down, I thought over the day. My heart hurt over where I went wrong and swelled with joy at the better parts. And this time, instead of moping, I was moved to repentance. In my head there is a new subscript playing, one full of promise and holy fear. I am accountable to the Lord for how I parent. It’s not even about me or how well I perform as a parent, it’s about Him, loving the child He’s given me and reflecting Him in all I do.
With this thought in mind, I’m glad to admit that as a parent I’m getting weaker and weaker. Because when I stop trying so hard to be everything for my child, I get in my right place and allow God to be in His right place. He is God and I am not. I cannot raise a child without Him. And for that I will be forever grateful.
