Living in Hawaii…

I have long struggled with the fact that we are missionaries here in Hawaii. 

There always seems to be an awkward moment in conversations that go something like this: 

Person: So, what do you do for a living?

Me: I’m a missionary

Person: Oh, really? Where to?

Me: … Hawaii. 

This is the point at which I’m pretty sure I’ve lost their interest. Their scoffing is inaudible yet palpable as I can almost hear them say, “Oh, you’re really suffering for the gospel there in Hawaii, eh?” 

And I get it. Most people view Hawaii as a paradise. A place where nothing can go wrong. A place where we are sitting on the beach drinking from coconuts without a care in the world. Hula skirts, leis and an occasional luau, right? 

But I’ll tell ya, there is a giant chasm between people’s vacation experience in Hawaii and what life here is actually like.

This post isn’t designed to be a rant, and it certainly isn’t to put anyone down. More than anything it is an open and honest look at the struggles of being a missionary in Hawaii.
Our journey thus far has been less than a cakewalk. Since the time we left Ohio last September we have lived in 10 different places. Hawaii or not, it has cost us a lot to be where we are today.

My wife, my son and myself have been living out of our backpacks for a majority of that time. Knowing where we are going to lay our head down at night is a luxury. In most cases our housing is never secured for more than 3 months at a time. Everything we own (minus some boxes we have back in Ohio) travels with us wherever we go. 

None of this is a complaint. It’s our reality. It’s the other side of the Hawaiian paradise picture. 

But where I struggle the most, the thing that truly grinds my theological axe is something I am only just now learning to be okay with. I have traveled to many places in the world, and I have seen the great need out there. This is partly what has motivated me to become a missionary. So how then can I justify the insane cost of living in Hawaii? Everything about what God has called me to do goes against everything I have formulated my worldview around. 

I have so much ambition to be in the bush of Papua New Guinea, or visiting the islands of Melanesia. I enjoy sleeping in mosquito nets and working the land for my food. I have been wondering why would God have me here, in Hawaii, not going to the nations like I thought He said to? 

Then this quarter started.

There was a time when we thought Ellis wasn’t going to be going to school here. We thought, “Well, if he isn’t enrolled, then there is no real reason why we have to live here in Hawaii, we can just go some place else” - and truth be told, I entertained this idea far longer than my wife did, who flawlessly continued in trusting faith. I watched as she let me struggle and worry. But not once did I see her worry. She’d take it to her prayer closet and give it all the to Lord. 

And then miraculously our son was accepted into the school (we share this story in our blog video update, found here). 

Anyway - the point is, God has made it abundantly clear through 4 or 5 instances that we are supposed to be here. No matter what I thought about living here, God has made it clear. The problem therefore was me. It wasn’t “Did I hear God correctly?” or “God has done something wrong” it is more of an “Okay, God has done amazing things for me to be here. What in my heart and my attitude need to change? What things do I need to give up to Him?” 

When I began praying that, loads of self-righteousness came to the forefront. Lots of presumptions to know better than God. Lots of theology that I needed to shake loose. But the one thing that trumped them all, was a feeling that God owed me. That He called me to the nations and yet here He is tabling me in Hawaii. 

Then it dawned on me. I feel a bit like Paul who wanted to go to Asia but was prevented from doing so. What did he do? He headed to Ephesus and lived there for nearly 3 years making disciples (Acts 19). It is arguably some of the most fruitful ministry of all Paul’s missionary journeys. And to some degree Caroline and I feel like this is a similar season for us. We want to go somewhere else, but The Holy Spirit has prevented us from going anywhere else. Hawaii is our Ephesus. And we will faithfully make disciples here, and they will go. We will put down our dreams and our rights to do what He has called us to do. 

Once I put everything down, the joy of the Lord filled me. Before I left for missions I was an associate/student pastor, and I loved that work. But what is unique about this season is that without a doubt I know that of those whom I disciple here in Hawaii 100% will be launched to the nations. What an honor to invest into those whose feet will carry the Good News. It no longer matters whether or not I go personally. And that is what God has been asking me: “Even if you never go to another nation, will you still serve Me?” 

The answer to that is an unquestioning, “Yes”