Culture Shock, Pt. 2: Coming Home
I knew to expect culture shock when leaving the country (even though it caught me off guard - see previous Culture Shock blog post). But I didn’t expect to go through it on the way back. I knew I might feel guilty about having certain luxuries, since I know that many people I had been serving may never have those same amenities. I thought it would end there…
But I was wrong.
In leaving Uganda and coming to Mexico for our school’s debrief, I struggled. My physical adjustments were quick. Taking a long, hot shower was an easy adjustment. But wrapping my head around leaving the work I was doing for the past two months, the people I had the privilege of serving and those with whom I served - that was tough. It seemed abrupt. And then it was time to turn around and come back to the US, which I was ready for. And yet, I’m having a hard time again.
Goodbyes are hard. Packing up again and again is hard. Going from place to place without a home is hard. But I’m reminded of Jesus’ conversation about the cost of following Him in Luke 9:57-62, specifically verse 58:
“And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.”
If my Lord and Savior had no “home,” do I need one?
I’m not talking about a place to live - I’ve had a place to live and sleep for the past six months and do now. But I’m talking about a home, as in a single place that’s all mine: a safe zone, my happy place, a refuge, [insert any other descriptions here] - is that concept restricted to being a physical place?
As cheesy as it sounds, Jesus is my home. And in fact, if we’re going real big picture here, heaven is my real home and earth is temporary. I don’t say that as a cop out, but as something I don’t take lightly. Jesus promised the Holy Spirit, our Comforter, and without Him I would be lost and an even bigger mess than I currently am.
Now that I’m back in the place I called home most of the 33 years of my life, I’m confronted with what I’ve missed while being away on mission (friends having babies, people getting engaged, the death of a grandparent, and countless other changes with friends and my home town). I’m also faced with the dissonance of seeing old faces with new eyes. Family and friends have changed (or stayed the same) and I have changed. Coming back I feel pressured to be who others expect me to be rather than who I am; who I’ve become. I’ve grown in love, compassion, confidence, my relationship with Jesus, my marriage, as a parent and a friend. Yet I feel a tug to fit myself into a box of who I used to be just to fit in and be recognized by those dear to me here.
Why?
That’s what I’m trying to figure out!
I should be here celebrating the many things God has done in my life and trusting Him for right now and the future, not worrying about whether or not my family and old friends will like me the same or think I’m crazy. Does writing this entry and sharing it with the world add a crazy point? Maybe. But let me sum things up with what I’m learning.
Seasons change. Relationships change. So do jobs, mission fields, places to live, neighbors, climates, and everything else. There is ONE constant. One who remains the same, and that’s Jesus. No matter where I go, there will be the shock of change or the adjustment to something new, but He will never change. This afternoon I cried over my time in Uganda being done, realizing I missed Ohio more than I expected. At the same time I realize I’m already missing being on mission somewhere else, difficulties and all. While grieving over both I was overwhelmed by the peace of God.
This IS the life I want. The life I’ve chosen. The life I’m called to and my family is called to. Some will understand. Others will not. But I’m ok with that. I’m ok with things being different - in me, my family, and in the lives of old friends. And I’ve found the key to defeating culture shock. In fact, I’ve found the key to every difficulty life has to offer. Keeping my eyes on Jesus. I need Him. I am dependent on Him, and proud of it. In my weakness He is strong. And it’s all for His glory anyway. I’m beginning to look forward to my next bout of culture shock, because I know it will brin me closer to God. And after all, intimacy with Jesus is what all of life is truly about.
